Our Best Advice Yet
Public speaking is a crucial skill in today’s world—whether you’re addressing your team, talking to clients, collaborating, or just trying to order at Chipotle without crying. But let’s face it, there is a lot of bad public speaking advice on the internet like “make eye contact” and “know your audience.” Ugh.
So today, we want to cut to the chase and provide the top tips for public speaking. These are the tips the experts don't want you to know. They are the holy grail of public speaking tips, and we're giving them to you for FREE!
Here are the five absolutely best public speaking tips that will have you the talk of the office.
1. Start with a 5-minute interpretive dance.
Forget introductions. Audiences are tired of hearing your name and credentials. You need to make an impact. That’s why you should begin your speech with an interpretive dance that represents “the struggle of modern communication.”
Bonus points if it's set to experimental jazz or the sound of dolphins crying.
Not only will this mystify your audience, it will also establish dominance. People might not remember your message, but they will remember you silently spinning in a circle while making direct eye contact with the front row.
2. Use a fog machine. Always.
Words are boring. You know what’s not boring? Atmosphere. That’s why every effective public speaker carries a fog machine. Preferably one set to “haunted Victorian séance.”
As you step onto the stage, clouds of mystery will billow out, shrouding you in theatrical suspense. Your PowerPoint slides will be unreadable, but your vibe will be immaculate.
And when the fire alarm goes off? That’s just your cue for a dramatic exit. You're not being escorted out—you’re being remembered.
3. Never rehearse. Improvisation is the highest form of speech.
Preparation is for cowards. Real pros walk into a keynote with nothing but raw confidence and a dream. Forget notes. Forget structure. Just start talking and see where the moment takes you.
Maybe you'll explain quantum physics using spaghetti metaphors. Maybe you'll spend ten minutes ranking breakfast cereals by emotional intelligence. The point is, you don’t know, and that’s what makes it art.
Sure, some might call it “rambling nonsense,” but others might call it “postmodern thought-leadership.” If your audience doesn't get it, that's on them.
4. Use as many words as humanly possible.
Some people say your slides should be your sidekick, but wouldn't it be easier to fight crime if there were two Batmans?
Transform your slides from a weak Robin into another Batman by putting your entire talk track on your slide. Writing it word-for-word and then reading it to your audience is the belt-and-suspenders approach to information transfer. Remember our mantra, "You can never be too repetitive."
If you want to get really fancy, make each line its own bullet point and animate them to fly in from different directions. Not only will this keep your audience entertained, they will thank you for leading them through a series of neck-articulation exercises.
5. End with an unsolicited trust fall.
Every great speech ends with a bang. Or a bruise. That’s why you should conclude your talk with a surprise trust fall—off the stage, ideally, and directly into the crowd.
Don’t warn them. That ruins the suspense. Just shout “I believe in us!” and launch yourself backward like you’re at a corporate retreat in 2007.
The trust fall isn’t about safety. It’s about commitment. Commitment to your message. Commitment to your audience. Commitment to lawsuits, maybe. But mostly: commitment.
Final Thoughts
While we hope you got a laugh out of these catastrophically bad tips, please check your calendar.
Do not interpretive dance your way into your company kickoff. Do not smog out your conference keynote with an industrial fog machine. And do not read your slides to your audience, unless they need to be placed in a coma and can't afford real medical treatment.
But if you do try any of these, please film it. For science.
Happy speaking—and Happy April Fools’ Day. 🎤🫡